Evil Foods

Due to food allergies, my relationship with food is tenuous at best. Even though food can make me violently ill, I still associate food and drink with celebration and comfort. In fact, shoveling dedicated-fryer French fries into my mouth sometimes feels as good as snuggling under a warm blanket on a cold day. With this thought in mind, I recently asked Facebook fans to share a favorite food. I received some great feedback, which sparked the following short story (some fact, some fiction). Read on for the result.


      Food. It used to be my thing. Have a bad day at work? Eat a brownie. Fight with the hubby? Chug a milkshake. Owe money to the IRS? Drink copious amounts of whiskey. Food and drink were my go-to solution for feeling better, even though I always felt like crap.

      So, when I learned I was allergic to both gluten and dairy, I resigned myself to feeling better by living a life without taste or fun. Soon, visions of pizza, pretzels, and boerenkool met worst (kale with sausage) filled my dreams. And at the grocery store, I once snapped-to shy of licking a log of chicken pepperoni like a Popsicle.

      Needless to say, the first few gluten- and dairy-free months were difficult. Then, I discovered Whole Foods, a place to fill my cart with coconut ice cream and gluten-free, dairy-free pizza. Now, I only feel like crap when I binge eat a vat of Justin's peanut butter cups or overindulge in Omission beer. But what can I say? Food is evil, and I am weak.