Park Hopper: Part 3

Below is the third installment of Park Hopper. If you need to catch up, click the links for Part 1 and Part 2.


      Excited to begin his second Disney day, Bradley awoke a full hour before his alarm. During breakfast, he made mental notes of areas to either avoid or enjoy, based on time of day and general crowdedness. Today, he would focus on the sites he had liked most. As such, he decided to begin again with the Kilimanjaro Safaris Expedition. The animals would serve to calm him for the remainder of his day.

      With his backpack triple-checked, Bradley headed out the door. Again, his early departure led to a stellar parking space, and soon he was enjoying the highly orchestrated safari ride. After the off-road animal adventure, instead of viewing shows, Bradley made a beeline for The Boneyard. Once there, he entered the sun-veiled seating area and watched for signs of parental inattentiveness such as families with several young kids, where adults could easily lose track of a single child, or groups of families, where conversationally-starved adults focused more on grown-up dialogue than on child supervision. The parents of five small children caught Bradley's eye. They stood just outside of the dig site while their children enjoyed uncovering dinosaur bones in the adjacent sand. The polo-shirted, preppy-looking father spent most of his time clucking into his cell phone while the frizzy-haired, frazzled mother attempted to keep tabs on the lot of unruly boys. Within minutes, one of the kids ventured off into a tunnel. Sickened, Bradley warned the woman before exiting The Boneyard and moving on to the next park.

      At Hollywood Studios, Bradley camped in the Star Tours gift shop. He observed as kids tore through the store, rifling through toys, picking out their favorites and waiting for their parents to catch up so they could beg to take their newfound treasures home. At one point, a little boy waited a full twenty minutes for his parents to pinpoint him in the crowd. With the boy close to tears, Bradley had intervened.

      After reuniting the family at Studios, Bradley trekked to Epcot and Innoventions East, where he designed and tested his own virtual roller coaster on the Sum of all Thrills. Upon exiting the long-armed simulator, he meandered around Innoventions from east to west, searching for more parental faux pas. To his chagrin, he witnessed time and time again as kids wandered aimlessly while oblivious parents engrossed themselves in distracting activities such as videogame play.

      By the time Bradley arrived at his dinnertime spot in front of Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Speedway, the appalling actions of countless parents had nearly whipped him into a frenzy. He tore through his backpack, and extracted his sandwich, ripping through it like a hyena. His eyes darted back and forth in search of further proof that procreation isn't for everyone, when a large group of families, at least twelve adults and eighteen children, passed by. For the most part, the kids were corralled, but one little boy, head hanging low, trailed behind the others. Bradley noticed that the boy's face wore a pouty frown. As the boy raised his eyes to look at the group, a little girl near the back of the pack met his eyes and stuck out her tongue, then haughtily turned, disappearing into the mass of bodies. None of the adults were privy to the disagreement between the two children.

      With the group thirty yards ahead of the forlorn child, Bradley could take no more. He approached the boy, careful not to startle him. As Bradley cordially asked if the boy needed help, he plunged a concealed syringe of Phenobarbital into the meat between the boy's neck and shoulder. To outsiders, it looked as if he were comforting the boy by patting him on the back. Bradley then scooped the child, sagging from unconsciousness, into his arms. Moving in the direction opposite the boy's family, Bradley returned to his backpack. He removed a blanket, covering the boy so it appeared as if a fun-filled day at Disney had tuckered out the little tyke. The boy slept all the way to Bradley's apartment.