This Is a Kindness

My seventeen-year-old cat, my baby, is dying. Several weeks ago, one of his arthritic hind legs gave way, and while I've nursed the lame limb as best I can using a combination of glucosamine, chondroitin, and MSM, the non-existent range of motion has relegated him to the floor and visibly stolen much of his joy. In the past week, he has shown an alarming disinterest in food and has had several violent vomiting episodes. It's also apparent that his bowels are not functioning properly, although I won't go into detail there. This is where the line " . . . this is a kindness" from BBC's Doctor Who entered my brain. Is it a "kindness" to put my baby to sleep? Have I already waited too long, causing him undue discomfort? These and other questions keep churning round and round in my head like some kind of sadistic washing machine. At this point, I'm only sure of one thing: I will not feel kind or good when the "kindness" needle plunges into his withered old body.